And tired of this hotter than hell heat. Dig this: I sweat like a crackhead under pressure. A la pre-divorce Whitney Houston. I lose weight going to class. The sun beats me like my last name is Givens. Not cool. The first 15 minutes of class, I am concentrating on the fastest way to cool off. So no professor, I am not listening to a darn thing you have to say because when you see me dehydrated, passing out on your floor and gasping for air, you are continuing your lecture like I'm not dying. Do I need a football in my hand for you to offer me a drink of water?
And these severe weather sirens - they disappoint me everyday. Each time for that five minutes that I have to turn up my volume loud enough to tune out the blaring I secretly pray that it really will rain, at least you interrupted my shows for a good reason, right? Wrong. Severe weather my big black 'fro. My cheap umbrella laughed at me and said "only nine more uses to go."
And wtf feral cats on campus?!?! Forget the cats, a skunk and a squirrel tried to gang up on me last night and steal my keys. I was just doing my job. I swear the skunk had on a gold chain. This is serious, America. I'm going to put a take out plate from Harcombe on my porch cause that sh!t's dangerous to all species.
Everyone cannot be Spartans, okay? 300 was not an excuse to do something you wouldn't normally do on a sh!tty day and call it loyalty. There's a difference. You didn't do it for your boy's honor. Negro you ain't hard. You wanted her and you needed an excuse cause everybody already knows she a ho. Be a man about it- you's a ho. Somebody should hose you down. Superpoke that ho - and we'll see yoooou!
Speaking of hoes, they make life interesting. And I'll proudly tell my kids, he was almost your daddy. Glory for the almost! Amen, amen.
'Tis All.
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