This little Piggy

I was looking at the greatness of my fat in the shower and wondered to myself, what if "This little piggy" was told today from the 'hood:

Mama Pig is in the kitchen cooking a pot roast with instant mashed potatoes and frozen peas on the side. She starts to the refrigerator to use the last bit of milk that was left over from breakfast. She pulls out the milk carton and starts to pour. Nothing comes out. She thinks to herself These damn kids.

"Who drank this milk and put the empty carton back in the fridge?" Mama Pig looks around and notices that of her five children, no one answers. "I said who drank the milk and left the carton"

A small voice escapes from the corner "Tusk did Mama. I seen him do it." says Piglet holding a cordless phone to her ear.

"Man, shut up." says Tusk.

"Tusk, ain't I done told you 'bout laying on your fat, porky behind all day! Drinking up all my milk. Here take this ten and pick me up some more. And you better bring my change back!"

"Mom, why I always gotta go to the store? Piglet don't do nothing but sit around all day eating and talking on the phone. She need to go to the store too -she stay home all day. And why I gotta give you all your change, I need to get paid for doing your stupid errands."

Piglet takes the phone off her ear."Boy, you betta shut up! I ain't gotta go to no store, cause momma told you to do it. I stay home all day and help momma here. So you don't know what you talking about-"

"What you say boy? You betta watch your mouth befo' I smack the taste out of it. I ain't got time for your foolishness. I work all day, come home cook for your greedy behind- eating up all my food- and I ask you to do one thing and you act like you can't go to to the store...back talking me. Wait 'til your daddy drop off your child support! And don't be tellin' your brother to shut up neither. And clean your dern room, chile! I ain't raised you like that."

So Tusk went to the market, and Piglet stayed home.

By the time Tusk got back, the food would be cold so Mama decided to make the mashed potatoes with water because Papa Pig was about to come home any minute.

"Come on, Piglet, Boar, Hammy, and Sty! Food's ready."

Little pig Sty looked up at his mama when he came in the kitchen and said with an oink "Mama, I don't wanna eat if Tusk ain't here. Why he ain't gotta eat with us?"

SMACK.

"Now sit down and eat this roast and you better not play over your food." The other little pigs followed without a word.

The phone rings.

"Hello."

"Hey baby." It was Papa Pig. "I gotta work late tonight, could you save me a plate?"

"What you mean you gotta work late? You worked 'til midnight last night... You cheating on me? Let me find out-"

"I don't wanna go through this right now. I'll talk to you later" Dial tone. Oh no he didn't.

So the little piggies and Mama Pig had roast beef, and Papa Pig had none, and got none later.

The door opens and in walks Tusk, shoeless, wiping his face with the backs of his empty hands. "Boy what's wrong with you? I sent you out an hour ago to get my milk? And where is my milk?"

"Well," Tusk sniffed, "On my way back, I had the milk, then I seen Juju and he got this new bike. So I asked him if I could ride it. And I put the milk down and took off my shoes so they wouldn't get scuffed, and when I came back he took my shoes and the milk. Then Mrs. Jackson came out and said I stole Marques' bike, but I ain't steal nothing, so I ran."

"I just bought them shoes boy!"

"I know Mama, that's why I'm crying."

"I told you about following up with Juju. His daddy crazy, so he crazy too. Go wash your hands and sit down, and I better not hear nothin' 'bout them shoes either."

And the piggies sat down to eat. Sty was happy his brother was back. Piglet was ready to get back on the phone. The twins, Boar and Hammy threw peas at each other, and Mama Pig was boiling.

'Tis All.